Gift of the Father
by Sharklist6285
Summary: Its Harry's birthday and Severus doesn't know what to give him. Not slash! Mentor/guardian severus. After DH with/without epilogue.


Gift of the Father

Standard disclaimer claiming I own none of these characters or world. I mean, I do... I'm J.K. Rowling and I enjoy spending my time writing fanfiction of my own story. .

 _A/N: To me, this is the epitome of Severus and Harry's relationship as I want it to be. This story happens after DH with/without epilogue. Severus has survived and has continued his role of protecting Harry, but this time on a much closer level. He and Harry are close and Severus cares for Harry's children. If anyone has read "The November 9th Letters" I reference that for how I see Severus in this story. Both of them ;). Both Harry and Severus are very dear to me and I think this clearly illustrates the depth of the relationship between them. Anyway, enough of my blabbing, happy reading!_

It was Harry's birthday and Severus had nothing to give him. With little time to spare, he decided on quidditch gloves as he knew the ones the boy owned were old and worn. Harry smiled upon receiving them, admiring the good quality and his initials engraved in gold, and thanked Severus, yet the man couldn't help feeling he should have gotten Harry something more personal. Later, after the party, when everyone had gone home and Ginny was putting the kids to bed, Severus and Harry talked in the kitchen.

"Thanks for the gloves," Harry said.

Severus pursed his lips. "I feel I should have chosen better; it seems a little...inadequate."

Harry smiled softly at Severus' perpetual lack of confidence in himself that he was doing enough and said, "You could give me something else if it'd make you feel better."

"Anything in mind?"

Harry sipped his tea before answering. "Actually, yes," he replied with a smile.

Severus' eyes narrowed. "Somehow I feel Mrs. Potter would disapprove of it."

Harry laughed. "No, nothing like that. Though I don't fault you for thinking so." He sipped his tea again before answering more seriously, "It is, in fact, something I've wanted from you for a while." Musing, he continued, "I'm sure I've wanted this all my life, but no one's been able to give it to me, save you."

Severus, who'd had his curiosity more than peaked, barked, "Out with it, Potter!"

Harry smiled. "It's not much, really. Just a word...Dad."

Severus instantly froze. Harry waited for him to speak, but he just stood there, unable to move. The word he wanted to hear from Severus, along with the full gravity of Harry's request took a long time reaching him and when it did, he spoke into the silence.

"No."

The word was spoken silently, but it pierced Harry like a gunshot. "Why not?" He managed to get out, his voice desperate.

"I cannot give you that." Severus shook his head back and forth. "Do not ask me for that. I will give you anything you ask for. Anything but that."

Harry's face fell. "I've never asked you for anything. This is the only thing I want. Please. Why won't you give it to me?"

"Harry, I simply cannot."

"Dad-"

"Do not call me that." Severus gritted his teeth. The word had torn at Severus, a slap in the face, a stark reminder of all his greatest mistakes. He could not bear to hear that word from Harry.

"Why not?"

"I do not deserve it." Severus avoided Harry's eyes.

"It's no more than you've already given me." Harry reasoned, crossing his arms.

"It's not mine to take." Severus argued, his voice a whisper.

"I'm giving it to you." Harry countered. He couldn't understand why he was being so stubborn. "I think I have the right to choose whom to call father."

"But not me." Severus shook his head and finally looked Harry in the eye. Harry was shocked at the pain he saw there and could not fathom what had caused it. He thought the man would be happy Harry saw him as more than just his guardian.

"I am the one person to whom you should never bestow that title."

Harry frowned. "Why not? No one else deserves it. You're the only one who's taken care of me all these years, even when I didn't know it, even when you hated me. You've always been someone I can count on, the only person who's been there for just me. I trust you with more than just my life. I ask only for this one thing from you."

"I cannot. Please don't make this harder than it already is, Harry." The sorrow in his voice hurt.

Harry's eyes widened and he exclaimed, "You want this too! I knew it! And you still won't give to to me."

"This has nothing to do with what I want."

"Yes it does. You're a free man, Severus. You owe your life to no one. You are allowed to be happy, get what you ask for."

"Don't be foolish. I am not free, I am as tied to you as I have always been."

"Then fulfill your duty and give me what I'm asking for!" exclaimed Harry, feeling exasperated.

Severus shook his head. "I will care for you and keep you out of harm, but I will not do more." He continued speaking softly.

"I'll never ask you for another thing. Come on, Dad-"

"Stop calling me that." Severus frowned.

"Why!"

"I've already taken their lives; I will not take their right!" The words seemed torn from Severus, a confession he had not meant to make.

"You took their..." Severus was silent and Harry stared at him as he tried to reason out what he'd meant. "You still feel guilty over my parents." It wasn't a question. Harry felt as though he could cry. Severus remained silent and wouldn't look at him. "I thought you were over blaming yourself for that."

"It was my fault you lost them, how can I claim as mine what is rightfully theirs?"

Harry made sure the man was looking him in the eye before saying, "Severus, listen to me. You have spent too long blaming yourself for something you have long been forgiven for. Anything you might have done have against my family, has been paid back in full and more. How can you not see that?" Severus did not reply, his face pointed at the floor. Harry stepped closer and put a hand on his upper arm. "Severus, you may have unwittingly taken my parents from me, but you're also the only parent I've ever known. What better way to repay them, than by accepting that?"

Severus lifted his head and Harry was shocked to see tears in his eyes. " I do not deserve that," he whispered.

"Don't I?" Harry asked, and felt tears running down his face as well.

Voices floated down from upstairs and were heard in the silence that followed. "Does James not deserve your love as much as you can give them?" He asked, reminded of his children and Severus' role in their lives. "Does Lily?"

Severus understood what he was saying and replied, his heart breaking, "Of course they do. As they have always received it."

"But not to the extent they could. And what about your namesake? Does Severus not deserve all the good in you I've tried to give him?"

"It is an honor I have never asked for."

"You needn't ask!" Harry felt he was close to breaking down. "Severus, I've been alone all my life! You're the only one who's spent time actually taking care of me. You sacrificed years of your life for me. Then you continued to live when you could have peace to continue giving me and mine that care. You probably think I ask this only for myself; you are wrong. Yes, I want this more than anything, but I am also trying to give you something you have long deserved."

Severus put a hand on Harry's shoulder, tears flowing freely from his eyes. "How can I betray what they did for you by claiming that? Harry, I want nothing more than to give you what you ask for, but I would rather you hated me if it meant they could be alive." Even as he said it, Severus knew how much it was a lie. His heart would shatter if Harry hated him; he wanted nothing more than his love, even if it meant James and Lily would be lost. And that was what scared Severus. How could he claim to be doing this for Harry, when he so badly wanted it for himself. When being Harry's father would mean James wasn't. Because Severus had killed him.

"But they're not here." Harry argued. "Don't you think they'd want you to give me something I need? Wouldn't that be the greatest gift you could give them? The greatest repentance? Yes, you might have been part of what took them away from me, but now you can give that back."

Severus' heart wrenched at the pleading in Harry's voice. "Harry..."

"Dad, please." Harry interrupted, ignoring Severus' request to not be called that. Harry remained silent, waiting to hear Severus' response and hoping beyond hope he would get what he desperately wanted.

Severus was on the edge and slipping. He wanted so badly to give in. Harry had no idea how long Severus had seen him as his own. No idea how much the boy meant to him. He wished nothing more than to give him all he desired, yet...he couldn't. Something held him back. He'd heard countless times from Harry that he should forgive himself, but he'd never fully realized what he'd meant by it. It was his guilt now that stopped him. Stopped him from giving Harry a father. This time, when Harry had called him "Dad," it had not filled him with dread and self-loathing. Instead, a deep longing carved itself in his heart, one he knew only Harry could fill. Without a thought, he grabbed the boy and crushed him against his chest.

Harry's tears flowed smoothly now, and he sobbed in his guardians arms, the need in his heart and soul too much to bear any longer. He drew comfort from the embrace, allowing the strength of his ever-present protector flow into him.

"Are you sure you want this?"

Harry squeezed him tighter. "Always."

"How do I know I'm doing this for you? How do I know I won't just be giving myself something I've longed for, something I don't deserve?" Severus whispered.

Harry choked back a sob at his words. "You don't," he said, his voice muffled by Severus' shirt. "But it doesn't matter. Because I'm asking for it, because I want it too."

Severus was silent for a long time as he held Harry in his arms, the tears on his face soaking his shirt, while his own fell into Harry's hair. Finally he came to a decision. One he knew there was no turning back from.

"I love you, Harry," he whispered.

"I love you, Dad."

Crying more than he had in over thirty years, he added, "Happy birthday, Son."

They held each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither one wanting to let go. Finally, when they did, Severus held his son at arms' length and said,

"Once a year. I will give you this once a year. That is all I can do."

Harry smiled, his cheeks still wet from his tears. "That is enough."

Severus' heart finally calmed and he brought Harry close again to kiss the top of his head. Harry had finally gotten what he'd always dreamed of. He had a real parent now, even if it was only for one day a year. That's not to say he didn't see Severus other times throughout the year. He still came over for tea, still cared for his children and was constantly a part of his life. Yet every year, on his birthday, he waited for his customary hug from Severus and the whispered, "Happy birthday, Son," he would receive, usually accompanied with Severus telling Harry how proud of him he was. It was always the greatest gift he was given and he told Severus so.

It was more than he'd ever thought he'd get and he was finally at peace with his family.

On Severus' part, every day he thanked Merlin he was allowed to continue living. Most of his days were spent in Harry and/or his children's company. Eventually Harry convinced him to move into their house, saying he'd be better able to protect him there. Harry's real reason was that Severus was getting older and wanted him nearer to take care of him. He would never tell him that though.

Severus remained Harry's children's "Uncle" all their lives, though in his heart he considered them more his grandchildren. Especially Severus Albus. He was so very proud of them and dotted on them constantly, even more when they had children of their own. The day he first held James' eldest in his arms was one of the happiest of his life.

Finally, at the end of his life, he spoke to Harry as his son, as he lay on his deathbed, ready to leave his charge behind. Harry finally allowed him to apologize for all he felt he needed absolution for, on the condition he forgive himself. Severus replied he had long ago, and Harry cried against his father's chest.

Severus spoke then to his grandchildren, imparting final words to them, along with comfort and advice, all filled with love. It was hardest on Severus Albus who he felt a deep connection to and loathed to leave. He finally left the world, surrounded by his unexpectedly large family, Lily's eyes, which had followed him all his life, first in Harry, then in his namesake, the last thing he ever saw, before he closed his eyes and feeling at peace, allowed sleep to take him.


End file.
